I was spending some time today thinking about my past mistakes, and past in general. What I learned about God and Holy Spirit in both waiting and listening to Him, and the failures I had when I let someone that claimed to be His voice mucked up what God and I had hashed out.
I am thinking about a specific period in my life. I think I have alluded to it a few times before, but now we can almost get down to almost the nitty gritty, I won’t be naming names or anything.
The first time I met this person, I really didn’t care for them. I found their attitude and mannerisms overbearing I guess. And actually, I had no further contact with them for a few years I guess.
Until the time they renovated the Christian book store I worked at and then hired new people to work in it. They had added a coffee shop in the back of the property, but it never really took off, probably due to the location and that none of the big traffic departments were near it.
This person was initially hired to run that space. I don’t remember how we began to get together, maybe she was less the know it all or something. Perhaps it was God having mercy on her so that I would feel like talking to her, who knows.
We became fast friends, thinking about it now, I think it had to do with the fact that we could talk about the same things spiritually, because she supposedly believed as I did, and you know that is always so nice to find. Like minds, that you think are on the same level.
There were signs all along, but I didn’t discern them or some of them I didn’t see until much later. I think a big part of it was she was planning a wedding on her own, and I stepped in to help.
This was the kind of person that just seemed to have some sort of story about somebody that was somebody that she knew. She had a lot of trials, but you know the vast majority of them were directly related to the decisions she had made in her life. We are talking doozies of bad decisions after bad. And you know what, if I knew then what I know now, well sometimes the only way you know is to walk it.
Anyway in the midst of all this, I had met this guy, dude, such a crush, I thought he was the one. There was a pastor one time that was talking about making a list of the attributes you desired in your mate, give them to God and then let it go. (something to that effect). This was going on nearly 15 – 20 years ago so forgive me if I first come out of shock with how time moves, and wow am I old.
Anyway, there was such a tension within me, was he, could he be? should I? I’m thinking it might have gone on for possibly a month, I doubt it was really that long, I just remember, not being able to sleep, so I got out of bed and went into the den of my grandmother’s house and set there and was going to settle once and for all was he or wasn’t he.
So we sitting there, Holy Spirit and I, and He tells me to go over my list. I only had one physical attribute, the others were spiritual and more to do with character.
One by one we went over the list, until we got to the one thing, can he sing. I can still remember sitting there, that realization coming over me, and I can feel Holy Spirit looking at me with that “well?” look. And I knew. I knew he wasn’t the one, and I felt good about it. I could be friends with him, and he was a great guy, but I wasn’t going to fret over anything anymore. And I went back to bed and
The next morning I was feeling good, I had my answer from God and was ready to run with it. I stopped by the café to tell my friend what God and I had decided the night before, and she stopped me and said “Hold on, just because… doesn’t mean…” I was too naïve and too unsure of myself, instead of saying no.. now I know what we said, I wasted almost 2 years of heartache and turmoil.
Her life was in heartache and turmoil and she was determined that mine would be as well I suppose. I can remember her not having money to eat food and I offering to take her out, but that I didn’t have a lot of money and it would have to be cheap fast food, and instead of being gracious about it, she drove us to a sit down restaurant and said she just couldn’t eat that unhealthy. There were so many clues that she really didn’t care about me and was sent to confuse me in what I was learning about the prophetic and hearing and doing. I remember another time, that I was so happy, God and I had had this marvelous time together and nothing else mattered, and she whispered that she had a word for me.
That “word” made me cry, not in the good way, it syphoned off the joy I had, it cloaked me with a garment of mourning. It was a false word. Things I can see now, that I couldn’t see in the middle of it.
There was even this time of a spiritual retreat designed to lose all the negative forces that we can be open to unknowingly, that she had done a couple of months before, that I gave her her space about, but when I went and was leaving, turned around and she was standing there behind me “praying”. I was not happy, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to have anything of my own without her trying to be a part of it. And you know what? I was right.
I think that was sort of the beginning. At this point, all I can really remember, is all the time I was trying to spend with God, she either wanted that time, or it still left me feeling empty. And if she was involved in it, can I hear Him? no. I can remember talking to another friend of mine, Tracy, I’ve mentioned her before she’s a great woman of God, I’ve seen her fruit. I told Tracy I was so empty, and she said you just need to get that bucket under the spout. I told her it doesn’t matter how much goes into the bucket if someone else has punched a spigot in the bottom of it and is draining it as it goes in.
That Sunday afternoon, in the church parking lot, God and I had a long talk. And He told me that He had sent me to her for a time so that she could see what it is supposed to be like, but she had rejected it, and now I needed to move on. You see the grace that He had extended over me for that period was gone, and it was time to cut ties. Which I did. Never spoke to her again. You may think that sounds harsh, but in actuality, she would have just tried to confuse the situation again and again and I would have been stuck in that spiral for even longer.
Look, I had already brought major hardship into my life when I let her confuse me about that guy, I can remember later talking to God about it, not understanding how He had let it be so messed up. and then I remembered, like the scales coming off my eyes, I remembered. It was me, it was me not being strong enough to say, NO, that’s not what we discussed and that isn’t true for me. I think I am now though. I am definitely careful with whom I let into my inner circle.
Now there are times that we need to hear words of admonition, words of correction, and those can break our hearts and are meant to draw us back to the Father, look at all the old testament prophets and you will see that.
But what I have seen in true prophetic words today is this:
They are specific, they are not the run of the mill, vague horoscope type words to people.
They resonate with your heart, with what God has already been saying to you. It is a confirmation not only of the Word of God, but also His direct dealings with you.
And they always follow in line with the Written Word of God. They will never contradict it.
And if you get one of these very specific words of prophecy, be ready, because they are to strengthen you in the coming times when the battle will be getting deep. They speak of your destiny in Him, and every demonic force will come to try to stop that if they can.
More on that later.