Monthly Archives: August 2016

Covered

coveredToday I found this amazing photo of a Father bird standing over the Momma bird and nest protecting them from the rain.

Look at the fierceness in his face as he protects.  I know some of it is facial structure and angles. That’s how I feel Holy Spirit is with us.  Covering us. I love that BBC America posted this pic on their fb page, I love birds, love seeing them fly, the other day as a matter of fact, I was driving down a side road between my place and the parents, and there is a gully-ditch thing with the protective barrier fencing, and there was a hawk clear as day and less than like 10 feet away from me… those things are huge, and he was almost on the ground searching out food.  Poor little squirrels 😦 ..

Psalms 91:4  He will cover you with His feathers; you will take refuge under His wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.

Deuteronomy 32:11 “Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, That hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them, He carried them on His pinions.

Psalm 17:8 Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Your wings

Psalm 36:7 How precious is Your loving-kindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings

Psalm 61:4 Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

Psalm 57:1  Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, For my soul takes refuge in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge Until destruction passes by.

The last verse, about taking refuge until destruction passes by, reminds me of a story I once heard. There was a worship leader and he was talking about going to a friends’ farm after their barn had burned down and was helping him to survey the damage.  He saw a pile of something, looking like really rags, maybe feathers, and he kicked the pile, and when he did, all these little baby chicks came running out.  They had been gathered by their momma, and she gave her life protecting them under her wings. They were not consumed by the destruction.  I still bawl and scrawl when I think about the love of that momma hen protecting her babies even in death.

How much more so does our Father protect us? I remember one time when I was younger, I worked at a grocery store.  I was really bad about keeping more money in my till then I was supposed to, and I always had decided that I would close my drawer and lock it if I was ever accosted.  I probably would have been shot.  At the very least, because I wasn’t conforming to company policy, would have been fired.  Anyway, I was young, stupid (invincible) but God was protecting me.  I honestly don’t remember all those shoppers in my store, but suddenly, I had at least 2 large baskets, and a couple of smaller purchases, so much so that the night manager came up, opened a drawer and helped me check out everyone before we closed for the evening.  A few minutes after locking the door, one of the customers (one that I saw every week, I knew his face) came knocking and asked to use the phone, because he had been robbed.  He had used a rather large bill to pay, and because I was so busy, the ones that would have robbed me, saw that as an alternative opportunity, He handed it all over so he was safe.  I knew then that God had protected me.  A part of me still thinks some of those customers were actually angels, because I honestly did not see them walk in the door, or walking through the store.

Most of my life, although I knew God, I didn’t always feel His presence, or even seek it, it just wasn’t really taught to us that way.

I have heard other amazing stories that actually rival Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace.  Even the Apostle John couldn’t be boiled in oil, so he was exiled. Our own President George Washington was said to have been shot at several times during a battle, an Indian Chief was witness to it, could even see where there were bullet holes in our Founding Father’s coat, but, he was unharmed.  And the Chief refused to fight him anymore, because he knew God’s hand was on him.

I really want to segue into how under His protective wing we should, like the momma bird, likewise shelter others, but I am finding difficulty, so I think I will leave that until another time.  Because I have some really strong feelings about that subject.

Love ya!

 

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Knotted 3… The victory of patience!!!

I did it!!! I finally did it!!! I unknotted that mess of thread, a huge skein, worth 3 smaller skeins of baby thread, and its all unknotted!!!!

I never did find that one string that would just unravel the whole mess. Instead, I had to painstakingly unknot piece by piece, end to end.. but, I finally did it.

When I got impatient, I made the knot worse.  but if I was calm, and took my time, and noticed the small things, and paid attention to the path of the thread, I got it.

And of course, because I see in pictures, like a lot of us, I saw how this relates to our lives.  As the creator of this piece, I could see the desired finished product.  I know I have great thread, it is so cute! I chose it specifically for this project for a very special person to me.  That is why I wasn’t willing to give up.

I love that thread, and I love what I am planning to create, and I love the little baby girl and the family I am making it for.

Now as I looked at the mess of a knot, sometimes I could be further away and broader in my pulling and winding up a new ball without any knots. Other times, I had to be close up.  but you know, sometimes that was difficult, because the knot seemed to fight me a lot.  It liked being in that state, and really didn’t care if it changed.  Other times, the knot would run away from me, as I pulled and stretched out the thread, the weight would then pull the knot away.  Sometimes even, the friction of the two or more threads would cause them to almost fuse and I had to even work to pull that apart, so I could continue my work of redeeming that knotted mess to make my beautiful creation. And I was determined to do it, because, let’s face it. I had paid the price for it. I had bought it and taken it home.  It didn’t have to wait to become the new object for it to be taken home.

Then after I had unraveled that last bit that had eluded me, I began to think about the finished piece that I would be finishing now.  I thought about how really, it’s such a lovely pattern, that looks somewhat intricate, but, really is a series of simple steps to make it wonderful.

I think about the fact that I actually bought 3 of those large skeins and at any time I could have abandoned that mess of a knot and just started with a different skein.  But at the same time, I knew I couldn’t, because I could feel the Father showing me something.

So often, we sing songs and we shout out prayers that we want to do great things for God, we want to be a vessel.  We want, we want want want….and then when He begins to pull at our knots, we fight him, because so often we don’t understand that we are really a knotted mess without true form, contorted, out of shape and useless even to ourselves, really.

It is only in us yielding to Him and Holy Spirit, letting them pull those knots loose, to expand our borders and being submitted to The Plan, even if we don’t quite know what it looks like, that we can begin to experience the wonders He has created us to be, a gift for others to know just how special they are to Him.

Purchased, and fashioned and made beautiful for a gift, in this case, a gift of warmth and comfort for a very precious little girl of a family I love so much because of the wonderful care he gives my mom.

If I am willing to go through so much for a simple gift for a little girl named Glory, that I nicknamed Grace, how much more is He willing.  His patience is boundless for us, which I must say, is so comforting, because I know I can be trying.  Let’s just leave it at that.

I hope you will find comfort in the untwisting and unknotting of your life as He retwists and reknots you into something more glorious that ever imagined.

Love ya!!

 

Knotted part 2

So today after weeks of leaving it alone I picked up the knotted mess of string again.  I just had gotten so tired of the mess and the tedium and just needed to put it down and work on something else.

And that something else was lots of things, but also the baby afghan.  I was thinking the other night, how pretty the colors are together and how I like working in the little squares to make a larger piece.

And I got to thinking, that’s how the Father is with us.  Sometimes we just need a rest from the mess. all the pulling and tugging and unwinding and layers we just need to lay that down for a bit and see the wonder of the new creation we are becoming.  I think it helps us to build our faith, and eventually our stamina and when we see God working, then we can take the next step when the time comes.

That’s how I see it anyway, I wish I had gone ahead and taken a picture of the huge mess of thread it was in the beginning, because it actually is much smaller now.  I keep thinking if I could just pull that one string… that one spot and the whole thing would unravel.  Hasn’t happened yet, don’t ya know.

I’ve also been thinking about the whole cutting it to make it easier thing.  Contemplating, is that man’s answer? or is it wisdom?.  I imagine, it could be either, depending on the situation.  What is in your heart? What direction do you find peace?

What I think so far, is until I find a knot I cannot undo, that is too tight that I can’t untangle, I will keep doing it the way I have been doing, It’s a good work, with something so beautiful in the making, that I will be patient, which really is not a strong suit for me.

love ya

 

 

Someone understands, and my heart is lighter

I miss my mother, I miss my grandmother. Sometimes it really just weighs on me. I don’t talk about it often, usually because there is nothing I can really do about it. I wish things were different, that mom and dad could really enjoy his retirement, like go on cruises and trips and stuff. I wish I could cook like mom did.  I can cook ok, and I do like the turkeys I make at thanksgiving, it would just be more fun if we could be more spur of the moment in our lives.

I wrote earlier about my frustrations with mom’s primary care physician.  I was so angry with the way she treated dad and I. I do believe that she is trying to do well by mother, but her almost insistence at mom being in a facility, and her needing medication.  I acquiesced and did allow her to put in one for the heart, but I was still so angry, I bawled.

It wasn’t just her, it was also the hospital, and whomever turned in mom to APS saying that she seemed in poor health, you tell me how you would be after you had a seizure and was disoriented on top of Alzheimer’s and being surrounded by faces you hadn’t seen, stripped naked and hands all over you.  How would you react? I would have been swinging, she wasn’t, she was like a little child.  I wouldn’t let them give her any meds though, that would have sent her body into shock I think. all they gave us was saline solution and we went home. And then I got the call from APS.  I cannot tell you the amount of stress that put on top of me. I called my brother, who is a peace officer, and he wasn’t concerned.  He just told me to make sure certain things were taken care of and they were.  Then the case worker postponed his appointment, and I felt better, I felt that if he had thought it was an emergency he wouldn’t have put it off.

And God worked that out too.  I had to go back to the dr. to get mom’s home health nurse and PT back, but the dr didn’t see that it was effective, really? Mom hadn’t fallen in about a year, until she didn’t have the PT to work on her knee.

No, she thought mom’s blood pressure was too high, and that we couldn’t take care of her and she should be in a facility.

Dad tried to say, yes it would be easier if she was, but that she never would have wanted that, and it wouldn’t be good for her.

I can tell  you, it wouldn’t be easier for me, not for a minute.  That Doctor has never been there when mom’s away from us.  She’s never seen how small mom becomes, or scared or even combative because she wants to do what she wants to do.

The one time we tried a facility that was supposed to help her even out her meds, they only gave her more and we could only see her a maximum of 3 times a week.  for an hour.  and we had to be in the same room with druggies and all manner of people with issues, all loudly talking over each other, so that mom had no voice.

Mom even fell in that facility so bad that both her ankles were purple from bruising them, and they didn’t call us.

So no, I will not put her into a facility.

That is not a judgment on anyone else however, every Alzheimer’s patient is different, every story is different, and if I were the one with the issues, since I have no husband, and no children, to not burden my family, I would probably choose that option, but we are neither here nor there with that.  Plus, I know people that they loved being where they could be around other people and visit.  Not all facilities are like that one mom was at, I get that, but I have to have some sort of control, and besides, have you looked at the cost of those things? It’s outrageous.

Anyway, all that stress and the Doctor on top of all that, trying to shame us…. and that was what it was, she wants her way, apparently her way is the only way, so  she rejected the home health care, and instead wanted them to come out to do a safety survey of the house.

Thank you God that I had already spoken with the health care people and they knew what we wanted, and when our old nurse came out that knows mom, and saw mom at her worst last year, he saw the difference in mom that the Doctor refuses to see.

You should have seen his face when I told him some of the things the Doctor had said. It felt so good to have someone agree with me.  One person that didn’t think mother needed to be on pills that would make her faint and dizzy to keep her from falling.

Someone that saw mom and knew we don’t need hospice.  Someone that didn’t care and set mom back up with PT.  It felt like I had my team back, and the burden was lifted just enough to breath again. Dad even said, “this is the happiest I have seen you in a while.”

I take my responsibility very seriously, and it’s not mom that’s the real burden, it’s the so called professionals that want to cookie cutter everything and is insistent on prescribing pharmaceuticals and not trying to help us find a better alternative.

I even tried looking at a more natural approach, which back in the day, D.O.’s had, and they are not in this area, or, they are “OUT there”.

I need to keep a Dr. so that I can keep the home health care, but, it’s not going to be the same person.

I wish I hadn’t convinced dad to go with her now as well, because now I need to change his doctor too even though he likes her, if she is that resistant to mom being off pills, how is she going to be when I get dad off his?

We still have some time, but, my end goal has always been off all meds.  I will need a Doctor that understands that and welcomes it as well.