This is my favorite name of Jesus. Emmanuel, God with us. Even during my times that I wasn’t really with Him, He was with me.
He promised He would never leave or forsake me, and He has kept that promise in spades.
The past three to four years have been tumultuous to say the least, but just when things seemed their most bleak, the Light of his Word, and his Presence just made those things better. Mother was never as sick as any of the doctors tried to make her out to be, time and time again Dad and my decision to take mother off all her medication because the side effects were causing most of the health issues we were having, and even though doctors had panic attacks and tried to scare or shame us back into a regiment; through my anger and hurt, if I could just take a moment to ask God, I still remember Him saying, didn’t I say to trust me a year ago? What has changed now? Then he told me to look up the side effects of the drug the doctor wanted to put mom back on, and they were the very things we were avoiding. so I refused.
This past month has been another test. I have been learning about casting my cares on the Lord. So the enemy has given me plenty of opportunity to take up new cares. He has been working on overtime.
Between monetary concerns and Mother health concerns, I have spent a lot of time… rolling over the heavy burdens and shot-putting the others away. It has almost been a constant struggle. I have a better understanding of laboring to enter the rest of God.
You should have seen me last Wednesday when we had to be admitted overnight for tests and observation, just to see what mom’s blood flow was like to her feet. Again, because doctors don’t like a person not on some sort of medication… As I would feel the weight of not sleeping, and the upcoming procedure, and all of that, there was a drop off next to where I would stand, and I envisioned throwing all that baggage down there… I prayed, and sometimes I just talked to God.
Emmanuel, God with me… God with me. God with me and mother. She didn’t have to have any invasive procedure done, God took care of the creatine levels, so she only had to have a CT scan, which is what we were going for 2 weeks prior. And she was released.
Her blood flow is fine through her legs. Vindication.
Monday, we went to breakfast, mom ate everything, and as we took a drive around the duck ponds in university hills, she was humming to the Christmas music playing on the radio. Not always, and the songs were older ones that she definitely would have known.
Monday night we went to dinner, mom ate almost all her food and some of Christopher’s.. lol. Tuesday we had some plans, and so I called Dad, and Mom had had about 8 seizures almost in a row. She was basically only breathing. Dad and Chris had gotten her in from the car to the couch and that was where she had the majority of the seizures.
Years ago, Mom and Dad had signed the living wills. And Dad and I have agreed that we will not put mom in a facility, and we know she will want to pass from this world to the next at home. So his voice sounded like he was bracing for something I still wasn’t ready for, even though, I have been letting go in prayer. Let me tell you, it doesn’t hurt any less.
I sat there on my couch, crying, and then I got so angry. Not at God, at that thing that has the stranglehold on my mother. See, she was healed on the Cross of Jesus. before Alzheimer’s even had a name, Mother was healed. Before they decided Diabetes was a thing, Jesus bore our sicknesses and carried our diseases on his body for our sake.
And in that moment… seething in righteous indignation, and furious anger, I told that thing to let go of my mother. And I got dressed and went to the house.
And mother who had been motionless for hours started brushing the hair out of her face. She started looking for Dad when she heard his voice. She bent her leg to take some pressure off her back.
A little later she almost opened her eyes. As soon as she was moving, she was asleep again. Tuesday was a difficult day. We survived, I had gone home to nap before work and then called him and told him he needed to tell my brother and sister.
Tuesday night before work, I called my bosses. I told them what was going on and that I would still work, because, I needed to, and they needed me to. God has so blessed me with caring bosses.
Wednesday morning, I went to see mom and dad, and not really much improvement, but as I watched her so that dad could take my nephew to work and my niece to school, I changed the channel to Christmas movies, and mom took notice, and turned her head. I was physically exhausted, and mentally overworked, emotionally, I was stronger. But dad hadn’t gotten in touch with my sister, so I called her. About 25 years ago, I had to tell her that Opa had died, because mom and dad were at the hospital, and she had practice after school, and while other had hope, then pain, she only had pain.
I don’t feel like I share that news well… I get kinda clinical about it. as fast as I can go through the events… and I just felt like I did that to her again on Wednesday.
Emmanuel, mom had some other improvements. And Jenn was able to spend most of the afternoon and evening with mom and dad. And she called me, because I am still working nights and have to sleep. We discussed trying to get mom to drink some coke like when you use the straw to let a little bit go in their mouths. it worked, and annoyed mother so much she was grabbing the straws.
By the end of Wednesday, Jenn had been able to help mom drink out of the straw, mom took her time, but figured it out.
This morning, I stopped to get me some coffee and Dad some, so I got there when dad was leaving to take niece to school, and I went into the house.
Mom was awake. as I was putting my stuff down, she said Hi to me. I changed the channel to Christmas movies again…. and she responded. I called Jenn, and while I was talking mom was talking. I said to Jenn, “God is Good” and mom said “Yes”. and by this evening, Jenn sent my a pic of mom sitting up, with clean clothes on, she even ate some macaroni and cheese and had some coke.
Emmanuel has been with us. is with us, surrounding us with His goodness and peace. I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know who I have let hold it, and we will face tomorrow together.